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I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP…
BUT I AM AFRAID HE COULD KILL ME …
ME: ok. Greetings dear. Bawo ni o?
SHE: I’m not OK at all sir
ME: What is the issue ….?
SHE: I have a terrible challenge that’s serious. I don’t know if you’re less busy..I need to tell you my story sir. I’ve read some of the issues you tackle on your wall sir. You’re doing a great job
ME: Thanx. I am available. Let a talk.
SHE: May God give more strength and courage sir. OK..thank you sir.
ME: Amen. Go on. I am listening.
SHE: My name is ….. sir.. A 36yr old single mum of a boy of 3yrs+..I work with d a state government in Nigeria…
SHE: 6yrs ago..I met a young man.. We dated for like a year plus..before we decided to get married..The wedding was fixed.. I was pregnant..One day he just came to our house one night..said we needed to chat..He said he’s no longer going ahead with d wedding.. I asked him why.. He said it’s not something he can explain really
ME: Hehehehehe. …
SHE: We dragged d issue till my pregnancy reached d 3rd month..He was bent on cancelling..there was nothing I could do..so let him be. I decided to have d baby..bcoz I couldn’t do an abortion. I had it..a boy..I’ve bin taking care of him alone since then.. Praying to God for intervention and favour
SHE: Sept..2013.. I met a new guy..I had reservations..bcoz he told me he use to have a wife..but that they were separated..waiting for d final divorce stuff.
I finally gave in to him last year..June.. Bcoz he was so helpful..loving..caring
We were preparing for Ikoyi Registry stuff..when d wife suddenly appeared with her family members. That was in December January..2015. Her people came..begged..settled …etc I had to halt all plans..
SHE: He pleaded with me to not allow that bother me.. That we should just go ahead as if nothing happened.. But I said No.I just can’t go ahead with such..so I told him I wanted out..
SHE: But how do I do that..if the flat I live in with my child is bin paid for by him sir?
I’m at a crossroad sir. It’s seriously weighing me down..psychological.. Emotional..
He comes around.. I behave indifferent towards him..But he doesn’t really take me serious..probably bcos he still feeds us..pays our bills
SHE: Before I met him.. I was living in a room self contain with my child sir..and God was providing our needs. I have a job..He moved us into a 3bedrm..fully furnished..
ME: are you still sleeping with him?
SHE: He pays the bills. No sir. I stopped in February
ME: and he still comes around?
SHE: Yes..to plead..
ME: are you gainfully employed?
SHE: I am sir.But..
ME: where do you work? ok. ….. State Govt. is your salary ok?
SHE: I made a terrible investment blunder which is now hunting me sir. My salary is OK..to take care of us..my kid+me
ME: hmm. what investment?
SHE: Dec 2014..I applied for a loan…800k sir Bought a tricycle..a motorcycle..for transport biz. I gave them out..higher purchase..
SHE: Just about d 3rd week into d program.. Marwa driver had an accident..a terrible one..he died sir. He left a wife+3kids..It was devastating sir. The okada guy paid few times..then ran off with d bike to Ijebu-Ode..or Igbo. Searched for him..didn’t get him till tomorrow sir. I’m still paying d loan..and I know I just have to get out of the relationship sir. I’m a level 9 officer..soon to be on 10 sir. With d … state govt, Min.of ….
SHE: Pls sir..what can I do? My child is growing..he calls him daddy..His parents and friends and everybody doesn’t want me to leave..But..as a model..a ….. Your instinct will tell you it’s not right.. So..why do it?I have nobody to share my problem with..I’m sorry to bother you sir. I have 4 brothers+1sister..that are of same parents with me.. But we are not really close.. I can’t explain why..but no rapport at all with them
ME: Hmmm Ok
SHE: The only one that I’m a little close to is presently in India undergoing a treatment for …
ME: What about the wife of d guy?
SHE: She lives in his house in …
ME: So he wants u to be his second wife?
SHE: I had to leave the house for her when she returned. Yes..his 2nd wife sir
ME: What is he doing? Is he financially solid?
SHE: He’s a QS..Very stable financially sir
ME: Educated? Religion?
SHE: A graduate..Xtianity sir
ME: Church? How old?
SHE: (mentions the church) He’s 44
ME: You, what religion?
SHE: Xtianity sir
ME: You Christian? He Christian? Fa fa fa faaaaa. Foul!. Where is he from? And where are you from? What church do u attend?
SHE: He’s from Kwara. I’m from Lagos. I attend a Pentecostal church
ME: Hmm. What does your mind tells u?
SHE: I cry every night sir. I’m so lost..no direction at all.
ME: Hmmm.Where do you live?
SHE: I’m from a polygamous home..so I know d trouble in it. I live in ….
ME: If you leave him, what do you think you will miss?
SHE: My mum was my dad’s first wife.. She died few minutes after giving birth to me
SHE: Honestly sir.. I Love him.. But..is Love really enough in such a situation sir?
ME: Hmm. How many children has he now?
SHE: I was a common sensed person..until I started loosing it. 3 children sir
ME: How old?
ME: Now, do u think if you leave him u will not get another person to marry you?
Or another person who will love you?
SHE: Will I? I don’t know sir
ME: How often do guys come after you?
SHE: Very often..
ME: Check yr self, do u think you are still in the “market”? You think guys desire u?
SHE: But..after I met him..I stopped searching sir. Very well sir
ME: How close are you to God? How close are you to Church and church programmes?
SHE: I’m as close as I can be sir. Church..yes. Church programmes..hmmm
ME: What do you do in yr church? Are you a Sunday Sunday Christian?
SHE: Environmental group sir. Sunday school..yes sir
ME: If you are confident in God, why are you afraid?
ME: If your job can pay for a room or a self contained, why are u afraid? Why do you think God has finished with you? Why do you write yourself off to have fallen cheaply for a fake Christian who wants to have a second wife? Why do you want to destroy another woman’s home by marrying her husband? If you believe God, why not trust Him and walk out of the relationship and challenge God that He should bring your husband? Your husband is somewhere. Around you. Not minding your initial mistake, you will get a good guy, godly, educated, handsome. Once you devote yr self to God.
SHE: Amen sir
ME: Or you think it is impossible?
SHE: I’m sure its possible sir
ME: Hmmm. Try God. Do you want me to publish this on my wall? I will disguise your identities. No one will recognise you but Christians will give you good advise. You care I do that? Matured women and godly people respond to you. We can learn from people. But if you ask me, leave the guy.
SHE: I would never have gone into d relationship sir. But bcoz d woman had left him then..
ME: I know guys will come. You will get good guys.
SHE: Thank you sir
ME: Let me pray about this issue tonight. We will talk very well tomoro. I am sure God will speak.
SHE: Also, I want your opinion about relocating to..probably Ibadan sir.
I need to move away from my present problems..coz it’s draining sir..killing.
SHE: Yes..just a thought..Living there is still simpler ..compare to this place..abi?
I could still gather some cash for accommodation ..get another job..The truth is..The guy is bent on not letting me go sir.. I’m even afraid he might try to hurt me..
I don’t know anyone in Ibadan..but since I’m on vacation..I could just go over There..study d terrain..ask around for accommodation and terms..I’m under serious tension..so scared sir. I’m sorry to disturb you again today sir..E joor nitori Olorun sir
ME: hmmm. serious matter.
SHE: Very serious..
ME: i know how you feel. You think walking away from his presence will solve the problem? I think if you pack out of the house, and you speak to him boldly and face to face that the relationship is over, there is nothing he can do. There is no point being afraid of him except if you yourself is not sure of yourself.
SHE: Oh gosh.. Yes..I guess I’m afraid of him.. But another prob is that..to rent an apartment here in ….and to keep maintaining it is no child’s play sir.
ME: its a simple matter. Pack out of the house, leave whatever he bought for you, get a new place, start afresh and trust God to help you. Hurting you is out of the matter. But i know some men are dangerous. But running away to Ibadan because of him… for how long will you run for a man like you? Why running? Why not face the issue directly?
ME: i know. Houses are costly.
SHE: Very sir. In Ibadan..I hear 2/3 bdrm still go for 100/120k.. So a mini self contain should still be something God will sure help to pay for and maintain sir.
I have told him on several occasions that it’s over..but he won’t take it
ME: But face your issues. Not run away from them. If you can get a loan of 800k from your office, you can get for house rent. You can get a room and build from there. If you want out with the man, it will cost you and cause you some pains. He will withdraw his finances. That is his power over you. He knows that and that is his weapon. If you can dare that pains, face it, be ready to cope, under one year, the pains will be over. Who knows another helper who needs nothing from you will surface to help. There is no way you will say it is over when you are feeding from him. You are living in a flat furnished by him. It can’t be over, baby. He is not a fool. Over ke? It can only be over when you sever the umbilical cord between you.
SHE: I know sir.. I just feel to still remain in Lagos where he can still trace me might not be advisable ni sir.. He knows where I work..and etc
ME: if you move out of his house and get another place, and you tell him its over, he will respect your decision. But if you can’t afford a house in this town, and you think Ibadan is best for you, so be it. I will not object to your relocation so you can start a new life there. No wahala. as long as you know you can get a job. But leaving your stable and reliable job for another place, have you considered that?
SHE: That February when I told him it was over..I stood my ground..I was already looking for an apartment for my kid+I.but.. He came in one day crying and pleading..when I remained adamant he broke a bottle and started strangulating me!
He almost killed me..it was as if he was under an influence sir. I begged him before he actually allowed me go. My fear is getting a job in ibadan sir…but..I can’t afford a place in Lagos. If I was able to pay d first. Payment..maintaining it..paying school fees..Waste..electricity..feeding..etc..how? Tnx so much for the kindness and time sir
ME: hmmm. At this level, I dont know what to say. I dont want this matter to become a murder case. I think i will have to post this to friends to say something. i will post it now.
SHE: OK sir..but pls No pointer o
ME: No problem.
SHE: OK sir. I really appreciate your kindness sir
ME: No oooooo. .. its ok. God will intervene. Stop crying. It will be well with you. God will show up concerning you.
SHE: May God give you more wisdom to keep leading aright sir