I AM SERIOUSLY THINKING OF A DIVORCE …

I AM SERIOUSLY THINKING OF A DIVORCE …
AS I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

SHE: Good evening sir. How is the weekend and the family sir. Am one of your friends on Facebook sir. I always read your post and comments most especially on marital affairs sir. May Almighty God continue to give you strength in the spirit sir. Anything you lay ur hands upon shall be prosper in Jesus might Name.
Please sir I have some marital problems that I don’t know who to share with and they are really affecting me physically and emotionally and even affecting my health. Pls sir I will love to chat with you. I don’t know if you are not too busy to listen to my story, sir.

ME: I am with you darling. The pleasure is mine. The glory is for Jesus. I full ground with you. Proceed.

SHE: I met my husband when I was 20 years old in 2004. He loved me and I loved him also. He is a Muslim and am also from a Muslim family so I think this makes us compatible. The way he talked to me then showed he was God fearing. Our relationship was full of love and happiness, after some month in the relationship, he disvirgined me. Unfortunately for me, it led to pregnancy. I was so sad and really felt depressed for disappointing myself and my parents. I got so many advices from friends to go for abortion, but I was so scared and unwilling since my husband did not deny it and was really ready to accept me and the baby. It’s a real war when my parent heard about my pregnancy. My father sent me out of the house, to go and meet my husband and said he will not sponsored my education again and I just finish my ssce then. But my man really showed me love and stood by me. After so many pleas from family and our Allah, my parents forgave me, so I came back home. So after introduction I went back to my husband house, Glory be to God I gave birth successful to a baby girl.

In 2007, I gained admission into Federal Polytechnic … where I study marketing. My mum, my husband and some of my family members even some of my friends sponsored my education bcos my dad felt it was a waste of money spending on me.
But as the Lord wanted it, I conceived again. This time I didn’t want to keep it bcos I don’t want anything to tamper with my education again. I tried all my best to terminate the pregnancy but not successful so I don’t have choice than to keep it. I had a bouncy baby boy. When I finish my ND in 2008, i came back to Lagos but didn’t go to my husband house, I went back to my parents house and they told my husband to come and marry me nisu loka. (properly) I did my IT in … Hotel in …., Lagos (A five star hotel and they staffed me in 2010. So up till date, I work with the 5-star hotel and glory be to God am happy with the job. He is an olevel holder. I got married to my husband the father of my two kids November 6th 2010. Which will be 5 years Nov this year. I have another baby after two years of our marriage.
But the problem now is that it’s not up to one year of our marriage that my husband changed totally as if he was not the man I married. I just don’t understand and can’t even explain what went wrong. He does not perform any responsibility on me and his children. I cater for myself and my children. My first daughter stays with my parent but I paid her school fees and other expenses. I have done everything to make my hubby happy and satisfy him but still am still useless in front of him. I will cook with my money still he will complain. He complains at a little or no mistakes at all. He doesn’t want to see my family, friends and also stop me from going to them.

Me: Hmm. Have you asked him why he changed to you?

SHE: He always tell me that anytime I go to my parent it always have bad effects on him. Have done that several times sir. Even in the middle of the night.

Me: Bad effect on him? Meaning what? Are you sure he is not trying to date another woman?

SHE: That one is sure sir. In fact these days I always see condom in his pockets. But sure his having extra marital affairs. We always have issues and he will keep talking and condemning me. He will even tell me that his door is open so I can go anytime I like. In fact he said that in front of my family. I have always reported this issue to his family and there is no improvement at all. In fact he is just getting worst day by day.

ME: I hope he did not catch you with another man? Or have a whiff of extra maritals on your part?

SHE: I swear to Almighty God I am not in any way bad to him or behaving rude to him. I respect and love him with everything I have. But he does not have any regard or respect for me and my family. He talks to me anyhow, anywhere and also sends me to my family. In fact my husband does not have my parent’s number. Have been visiting hospital like almost every week for the past 3 months now bcos he always make me sad every day. He must see something to talk about me, and am so emotional depressed right now sir, bcos am totally fed up.

Me: Are you sure nothing happened between him and yr father or mother?

SHE: Nothing much really. But during my first pregnancy as a good parent, they didnt accept him. That they will terminate the pregnancy so that I can further my education

Me: Where is he working? Is he financially okay? How old is he?

SHE: His 35yrs old. A business man. He has two barbing shops where he gets at least 20k every week. And another shoe cobbler shop. Where he has people that work together with him there. And he is doing very well in all the businesses. In fact we both contributed to the success of all these shops.
Last month during my leave I told him I want to spend some time with my parent due to the status of my health so that I can rest very before I will resume back to work and he said no and if I have to go I should not go with his children and I told him I will go bcos I will not allow him to kill me for my children bcos I have done so many tests I don’t have typhoid no malaria and still am not getting better so I need rest and if I stay with him, am not helping matter. So I left to my parents house and this is the message he sent to me ( A very long sms of threats, abuse on her and her parents)

Me: Hmmm

SHE: So I don’t have choice I have to inform my parents and told them what is going on in my home. My mum called him the following day I got there that he should come to our house. You need to see the way he was talking to my mum on phone that if is bcos of my matter, can’t come o. That they should forget about it.

Me: Ok. Has he parents? Are you close to his parents?

SHE: Very well sir. His dad is late. And mama is old also. But I always tell her and her other siblings about it. That as it is now am even ashamed to talk to them about him again. And he always come back to me that why would I report our matter to his family. That they cant run his home for him. He later come to our house but it’s a real war that day. The way he was talking to my parents that I really feel ashamed of myself and feel so embarrassed. We later settled and I came back home.

Me: Haba! Is he educated? The fault is not his. You sold too cheap for him. You had two three children for him like iyawo sarah. (Outside marriage) You caused it. It’s yr fault. In fact, they begged him to come and marry you.

SHE: Yes. I no sir. It’s my fault truly I admit that. But you need to see the way he use to do to me before sir. In fact if u are there u will also beg me to marry him sir. He showed me love that I can’t even explain. All my friends knew him bcos he always cry and beg them to talk to me anytime we have misunderstanding.

Me: I am a practising Christian. It is not in my province to tell you to divorce. NEVER. Just be patient with him. And work hard. But be sure that he is seeing another lady. Marrying two wives or more is common culture of most Muslims.

SHE: Yes I know. Because I use to see text messages on his phones. The ones he sends to the lady and the one the lady use to send to him.
Patient u said sir? That’s what have been doing since in fact have pray pray pray over it sir. Even if my husband want to have sex with me, no foreplay at all. No romancing, he will just climb on me and do what he wants to do and get down. In fact, he doesn’t sleep with me on the bed. He prefer to sleep on the chair after doing whatever he wants. Am totally fed up now sir. And I think divorce is the only solution to my problem. BCOS HE TOLD ME ONE DAY THAT HE WILL KILL ME AND STAND BY ME. HE ALSO SAID IT IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS.
Have tried to beg him so many times if there is anything I done wrong to him but his answer is always no.

Me: He said it before your parents?

SHE: Beenii o sir. Help me beg God before is too late. Before he kill me for my children, i am dying. Am the type that can’t hide my feelings and I can pretend to myself as if nothing happens. It’s showing all over me. In fact am losing concentration in the office. My boss have ask me if everything is OK. Bcos it’s really affecting me this day I can’t help the situation. Am always scared to talk to my husband. Am not free and feel secure around him again. The way he will even look at me self, everything I have inside me will disappear kiakia (fast) He only eat at home anytime he likes. Sometime one to two weeks he may not eat. He will just decide that I should not cook for him. No money for food. And he doesn’t care what we eat. But I thank God he has been there for me and my children. I eat what I want not what I see.
He has never caught me with any man. I am not involve in any extra marital affairs. Even when was still single i did not double date. i swear i didn’t no any man aside of my husband. his the one that even deny my moves for sex. any time i make the moves he will first deny and sometimes he will later come back and by then i will not be happy with it again. i can’t really say my offence to him o. but he complain on everything is it that am that a bad wife that dont even have any good side.
u must tell me before u cook anything in this house. u must not buy anything enter this house for yourself and for the children without my knowledge. We dont have food stuff in the house again , so we need to buy some, i dont have money yet. No money for any expenses still am not complaining, now cook with my money again and u will start complaining. if i ask my hubby what are we eating he may reply me that u dont even no anything than food, se ounje ni mo fe fi gbogbo aye mi je ni. I cant go out or in the office and call my husband his respond is hen hen kilode am hearing u what did u want to say?
and if he call to tell me to buy something to cook like buy panla fish, he would say eyi to da ni o dont buy rubbish for me bcos i dont eat rubbish and cook it nicely if not i will not eat the food bcos i cant eat junks bcos i dont have money. he doesnt care who is there and where we dey before he talks to me like is maid, i always pray he should not be at home when me am at home, bcos i wont be free.

Me: Oga o

SHE: for example see what happen this morning. Please correct me if am wrong
Me: Ok

SHE: my small boy of three years old urinate on the clothe i packed for washing, i was talking to him when my hubby comes and hear what we are saying and he checked if the boy have actually urinated on the clothe. so he finds out he has drop some and he just lift him up and give him 3 hot slap at the back and throw him on the bed, ara ta mi the way he hit my boy, so i carry the boy to pet him and tell him not to do that again bcos all his fine hands show on the baby back and bumbum

SHE: so he ask me to drop the baby but i didn’t answer him and he started hitting me with the baby dragging the baby with me. Recently he slapped me. My mouth can’t tell you all I have gone through in his hands.

Me: But why? Haba!

SHE: am i wrong? i sent the pictures of the baby to your WhatsApp sir. I didn’t snap him immediately o.

SHE: He told me he want to know how much is my salary and how I spend it.

Me: ah! May be that is what he wants to know. Did you tell him?

SHE: Have told him even before now. But I lie sha. I didn’t tell him the exact amount. But hy does he wants to know how I spend my money? And me I don’t think that can be possible o.

Me: but why would a man be asking such questions?

SHE: Abi oooooooo. I tired. He said he wants to minimize everything am buying. That I buy buy too much. With my own money that am working for. Even before I buy slippers for myself and my children I most let him know first. And before I give anybody anything he must know that I always do like omo Abiola. if this one call I will send something. That am a big fool

SHE: i don’t feel comfortable having sex with my hubby again. Due to the emotional hurt and i dont know the kind of ladies he is dating

Me: I guess you need to be careful with him. But ….I still don’t believe in divorce.

SHE: Hummmm. So what did u think i should do? I also don’t want divorce because he is the only man I know. I can’t control my tears again. Please sir let me excuse myself.

Me: I will call u. (Called her to keep her calm)

SHE: am so sorry sir. Thanks so much for your time and concern. i really appreciate it. He called me this morning when I was in the office. Accusing me of stealing his money. Shouting seriously that if I don’t want walaha that I will no be able to handle I should return his money. I was trying to calm him down to check very well may be he forgot where he kept it or probably he has use it for something and he didn’t remember. He said he is not a kid that didn’t kno what he is doing that I should just return his money. After two hours, he now call back again that he has seen the money. sorry

Me: I dont know if there is still love in this marriage. But in all, you sold cheaply and this is the result. Ìt is well. I will publish this issue shortly and let us hear what people would say.