The rates at which marriages, especially “Christian” marriages are breaking up, crumbling or deteriorating around me is alarming. It appears that o
The rates at which marriages, especially “Christian” marriages are breaking up, crumbling or deteriorating around me is alarming.
It appears that one of the common causes for short term marriages, especially within African homes, can be traced back to upbringing.
This has made me to reflect on my own personal upbringing, nobody took the time to explain to me what marriage is all about, not to even mention Biblical marriage principles laid down by God.
Marriage was always presented as an inevitable end/milestone for every child within an African home. The possibility of you not getting married or worse still not having a child was low, and if it did occur it was seen as an abomination. So we all grew up, looking at marriage and a family as a definite in our future horizons.
Within African homes we all, both boys and girls, grew up having to live up to the high educational and professional expectations of our parents. We were taught that education was the only way. We were taught to learn to ride the waves of life, regardless of what it throws at you. Giving up did not exist in our vocabulary.
What to expect in marriage was never discussed. All we knew about marriage we attained from romance books, Hollywood movies and stories that we heard around us. The price we have to pay for this lack of marital education is costly. The cost is so great it is affecting us psychologically, morally, physically and financially.
I am of the opinion that it is the responsibility of both parents to fully equip their children for all eventualities of life, and this definitely includes marriage: Biblical principles of marriage.
Who is the best person to teach me about men if not my father? As a man he should be able to tell me about his own gender and what to expect from them. The way he treats my mum teaches me what to expect from a God fearing and loving husband. My loving, caring, father should set a good and realistic standard for me upon which I can gage my potential husband on. If I do not have this then upon what will I measure all the men that are going to approach me? I strongly believe that a lot of fathers are failing their daughters, particularly in regards to preparation for marriage. This lesson can only be taught effectively if there is a healthy loving relationship between a father and his daughter.
The Old Testament contains several accounts of daughters who were empowered and given their full inheritance by their fathers, in an age when boys were preferred over girls, and women had no civil rights. The stories of these daughters are recorded in Scripture so that we, too, can learn and implement these teachings. These fathers must have had remarkable relationships with their daughters. It is a shame that this kind of teachings do not grace our pulpits. A very distinguished story is that of Zelophehad’s daughters in Numbers 27. Their story is mentioned five times in the Bible (Num. 26:33; 27:1-7; 36:1-12; 1 Chr. 7:15; Josh. 17:1-6).
I believe the words of J. Lee Brady best describe the kind of life and relationship these daughters must have had with their father, Zelophehad – Most Israelites who traveled through the Sinai desert with Moses probably knew about the daughters of Zelophehad. While other women hid inside tents and covered themselves head to foot with heavy veils, these girls—Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah—defied the patriarchal system of their day and earned a special place in Biblical history. They were pioneers.
At a time when most women in Israel lived like prisoners in polygamous households, the daughters of Zelophehad must have spent lots of time outside their tent. They were curious. They had a zest for life. And they refused to be confined by the limitations of their culture.
Why did they think differently from other women of that era? A theory is that their parents offered these girls overwhelming validation and encouragement. Zelophehad, who had no sons, must have decided after his first daughter was born that he was content to raise a houseful of women. He recognized their value. He was generous with his affection and instilled in his daughters a powerful sense of personal destiny.
Zelophehad probably showered his daughters with gifts, held them in his lap after dinner and told them stories about the exodus from Egypt while he tucked them into bed. They knew their daddy loved them, and his affirmation nurtured a sense of empowerment.
I can imagine these playful girls dancing and singing next to their father’s goat pens as they did their chores. Their ankle bracelets jingling as they skipped past the tents in Manasseh’s encampment.
Neighbors might have even complained about all the giggling that came from Zelophehad’s household. They may have shouted to Zelophehad’s wife, “Tell those girls to be quiet!”
But these girls were not easily silenced. They were God-ordained troublemakers. They would soon make history.
As the girls blossomed into women, their confidence grew. They must have started talking among themselves about the problems with patriarchy, finally asking the most forbidden questions: “Why don’t the women have any privileges around here? Why can’t women own land? Why can’t we get an inheritance when we cross the Jordan?”
The Bible tells us that after Zelophehad’s death, his daughters went to Moses and made a daring proposal: “‘Why should the name of our father be withdrawn from among his family because he had no son? Give us a possession among our father’s brothers'” (Num. 27:4, NASB).
We can’t even begin to imagine how bold and audacious this request was. Women in Israel did not ask for rights. Yet the daughters of Zelophehad risked their reputations by approaching the leader of their nation and asking for something revolutionary.
What is most remarkable is that Moses took their request seriously and sought God about it. Moses asked God, and God had a surprising reply: “‘The daughters of Zelophehad are right in their statements. You shall surely give them a hereditary possession among their father’s brothers and you shall transfer the inheritance of their father to them” (Num. 27:7).
In that moment, God contradicted centuries of prejudice and wrong-headed tradition. He made it clear that in His kingdom, women are not afterthoughts or appendages. They have equal value with men and full rights to His benefits.
If Zelophehad had not taught his daughters, they would not have the guts to take this bold step, an action that ensured the name of their father was not cut off from his kinsmen and put his name in the Scriptures forever. Our daughters are being robbed and abused because fathers are not stepping up to their roles in the lives of their daughters.
Fathers take a leaf from Zelophehad, relate with your daughters, equip and empower them to be all that God has made them to be. They need you. They need your love, your approval and your presence at every stage of their lives. The Word says in 1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour”, our children shall not be devoured in the name of Jesus, amen.
Funke Odusote,
HOUSE OF GOD SOLUTIONS.
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