SEVEN THINGS ABOUT MEN YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU SAY ‘I DO’ …

TO THE LADIES, WIVES AND WIVES TO BE – SEVEN THINGS ABOUT MEN YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU SAY ‘I DO’ SO THAT “I DO” DOES NOT BECOME “I’M DONE”

This might be lengthy for you and time wasting, but I only hope that after reading, it makes some sense to you. Just couldn’t help but share…..

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22 KJV)

Sandy and Bobby have been married for only seven months and yet Sandy is completely frustrated. ‘I will never be able to please this man. I don’t understand him. I thought we courted and I knew him.’ Their marriage has been characterized with daily quarrels, anger tantrums and bitterness towards each other. Sandy doesn’t know what to do again because according to her, ‘this man doesn’t really love me!’ What was Sandy’s issue? She went into marriage not knowing who a man is! She was involved in pre-marital sex and that distracted her from the real preparation of the heart. Part of the preparation of the heart is to read wide, study hard, ask questions, stay under mentors and so on.

Every man, whether he is born again or not has some peculiarities. When he has a relationship with God, has the fear of God and his mind is renewed, he is better able to handle these peculiarities.

Unfortunately, most ladies walk down the aisle in sheer ignorance of some of these peculiarities and after a few months, they really want to retrace their steps and walk up the aisle and out of the marriage.
If you are still single, these are some of the things you should know and probably read more about.
What are these peculiarities? The list is not exhaustive, but these are the pertinent ones.

1. Be ready to massage his ego
2. Be ready to respect him
3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually
4. Be ready to cook for him
5. Be ready to dress for him
6. Be ready to pray for him.
7. Be ready to help him
So, let’s pick these one by one.

1. Be ready to massage his ego

Every man has an ego. It is part of him and that is what makes him a man. He needs that ego to survive and to be the best he can be. While, I don’t subscribe to men who are overly egocentric and who manipulate their fiancées or wives as a result, I know that as a lady you should be ready to stroke that ego and not crush it. If you keep on crushing a man’s ego, you will keep seeing the other side of him that is not really nice! How do you crush a man’s ego?
Let me give you a sample. You and your husband are dining along side another couple. The other lady goes like, ‘one thing I like about my husband is that he is so patient with me, always available to even help me out in the kitchen most times” And then, you go like, “You are so lucky! My own husband? He is so lazy and behaves like an impatient drone. Rather than for him to help me out on the kitchen, he prefers to sit down playing cards with little kids like a deranged man. I wish he is like your husband…you are so lucky o.” This looks like an extreme example, but anything like this, you have just finished the man, he would look for ways to finish you as well, because you just crushed his ego publicly! A man’s ego is so important to him that even if you try crushing it in privacy when you are alone, he will react immediately, not to talk of openly. It is not the way to go.

2. Be ready to respect him

Respect is a major issue for men. So major that they are not ready to compromise in that area. So make up your mind to respect and be submissive to your husband if you really want to enjoy your marriage. Interestingly, the more submissive you are, the more he will listen to you eventually and the more you will be able to influence him. If you are a lady, and your song is ‘he never listens to me,’ I can tell you what is happening. Somewhere in his mind, he believes you are disrespectful.’ So any attempt to make contributions he flares up! You know why? He sees your contributions as trying to usurp his authority and he shuts you down or ignores you. When you find yourself in this kind of situation, rather than fight back or withdraw in frustration, try making adjustments in how you respect him, even in your choice of words and tone of voice, it all matters.

But, he doesn’t love me, why should I respect him? The instruction in Ephesians 5 is not a 50-50 contract. It’s a 100% instruction. You are not to respect him because he loves you, you are to submit to him because he is your husband. The same goes for men, you don’t love your wife because she respects you, you are to love her because she is your wife. When couples starts seeing it this way, they will be amazed at the changes that will take place in their marriage!

Now, listen to this, if you are so independent and you are not ready to respect and submit to your husband, you are not ready for marriage! It doesn’t matter whether you earn more than him or whether you are more travelled, he remains the head of the house. There cannot be two heads in the house, any two headed creature is a monster. This is how God instituted it, and that is how it is going to work. But sincerely, in an atmosphere of love, the wife does not need to be shouted upon, ‘I am the head of the house!’ Like somebody said, the moment you have to keep screaming that, you have just lost the headship!

For singles in courtship, here is what you need to know. Never ever try disobeying God in any way because you want to respect your fiancé. For example, he asks you to come over and spend the weekend with him while you are not yet married. You have every right to disagree on that because you and I know what that would lead to. In fact, you need to review any kind of relationship where the guy is putting pressure on you for pre-marital sex. So, in your attempt to respect, you don’t end up jeopardizing your relationship with God. Very important!

3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually

You and I know this is every important right? But here are few things about that. Now, talking to married couples first, I want to tell wives, if it be possible, try as much as you can to always satisfy your husband sexually. It is the number one preventive for adulterous lifestyle. I am not trying to justify any man’s recklessness in his family, but I am saying a few things can be guard against.

Young wives, you need to know that sex in not a tool for punishment or reward. When he is nice and has bought something for you, you cooperate with him. When he has not been nice, you start singing ‘my head, my shoulder, my knees, my toes, they all are paining me! That is not fair! Well, the scripture admonishes couples, ‘defruad ye not one another!’ The scripture calls it a fraud when you deny one another without genuine reasons! And really, genuine reasons should only come up once in a while!

Why is sex so important to men? It is because of their wiring, it is not their fault. However, the scripture makes it clear that sexual relationship should only be with your spouse, not with a colleague or somebody you met in a one nightstand somewhere! The consequences of adultery are debilitating. It comes with agony and regret!

If you are not enjoying it as a wife, you should let your husband know so that you can find ways to resolve that. It is not right to keep rebuffing his advances because ‘you are not enjoying it!’ You should be enjoying it to the fullest because one of the reasons why God made sex is pleasure. There could be many reasons why you don’t enjoy it and you might need to see a trusted counselor together (never alone) who can keep your issues confidential. If you feel your husband rushes you and is never patient, teach him and lead him gently until he learns to wait for you. I would have gone deeper on this, but singles are reading this too, so I don’t want to ‘afflict’ their souls! Lol

Let him know areas you would want him to touch. Every man ought to know every lady needs an average of twenty minutes to be fully ready! So ladies, when you notice your husband has been reacting, withdrawing, getting angry at little things, getting irritated at almost everything, complaining about what he used to ignore, check out whether you have been refusing his advances and his ego is not allowing him to ‘beg’ for it. It is actually not a good place for any man to be because a sexually starved man is capable of messing up anytime!

Protect your marriage by enjoying each other and never denying each other. For a lady, it is more than a physical work out, it is an emotional thing for her, so when she is hurt, she may not be able to release herself. This is why it is important to forgive easily and let go…because you are still one! It is also why you should treat your wife gently and be caring!

For the singles, You are not to satisfy anybody until after marriage. You can put forth all kind of lame excuses why it should happen but that is not God’s order. If you are going to have God’s support, favour and help in this life, then you had better do it God’s way. And I really don’t think anybody wants to live without God’s support, favour and help in this life. Those are what would distinguish and make a difference in your life.

If as a married couple, you are already involved with adultery or with pre-marital sex as a single, it is never too late to ask God for forgiveness and turn around in your ways. That is how not to delay yourself or slow yourself down.

Conclusively, you will never be able to ‘insure’ any relationship or ‘keep’ a man through compromise. Your body is not a commodity to trade; it is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect your body and don’t trade it around because God puts a lot of value on your body and on your person

4. Be ready to cook for him

Now, this is very important. Food is very important and it is something constant in a family system.

‘Whatever happened to house-helps?’ Yes, they can help, but don’t let them take over the kitchen completely except in situations where you are your husband agree to employ trusted family cooks. But this is not usually the scenario in young families. Not a few ladies have their families disrupted by house-helps who were lured by the man in the house.

Even if the house-help will help in certain times, which is inevitable, try as much as possible to serve your husbands yourself. This is very important. By the time you are not always there for days, while a young girl serves your husband, anything can happen if the man lacks self-control or has no fear for God. While you are still single, don’t leave your mum to do everything, get in there and learn all you can.
Don’t be like the lady who got married and for days they were just eating out. After a while the husband got tired and requested for Amala. (A Nigerian local delicacy) Then trouble began. So the pot of water is on the fire, and she calls her mum to ask, ‘Mum the pot is on the fire now, at what minute do I add the yam powder?

5. Be ready to dress for him

This is important as well. You should learn to dress for your husband at home. Why is this important? Men are moved by sight. They are moved by what they see, including anointed men and apostles and popes!

Don’t be like a lady who is so busy tied up in a wrapper and that was the last picture her husband saw before leaving for work. By the time he comes back, she is back in the wrapper trying to get food ready! Meanwhile, at work, she is accosted by this delectable, adorable and impeccably dressed secretary every morning who is saying ‘I am available’ with her body language! If the guy doesn’t’ know what he is doing or is brainless like Message translation says concerning adultery, he will simply mess up. I don’t like wrappers and my wife doesn’t like it as well. So unromantic! It is not a sin to wear a lingerie at home! Dress cute for your husband at home and learn to set him in the mood. He likes that, he may not verbalise that, but I am helping him to do that now.

Singles, watch what you wear to your fiancée’s house. Don’t kill the guy; let him fulfill destiny! You are going to see him so that you can pray together by 9.00pm in a mini skirt that has a slit! How will the guy pray? The eyes will be turning red, the tongues will change and you will think it is the anointing? Nay, he is suffering and his tongues is probably, ‘O Lord deliver me from what I see with my eyes!’

When they David saw Bathsheba, taking her bath, a seed for adultery and murder was sown. When Samson saw a harlot, she went in unto her. He saw another lady, and he could not speak correctly again, he told his father,
‘Get her for me to wife!’ Check it out in your Bible!
Men can lose their temper, temperature and temperament altogether when they see a beautiful lady!!! Men, can you bear me witness?

6. Be ready to pray for him.

Pray for your husband. Don’t let your early years in marriage be characterized with quarrels and hurts and wounds. You will slow yourself down that way. Yes, he is not a good man, he is not caring, he is not loving, she is not submissive, she is not respectful…but you are married! You are one in God’s eyes. You need each other’s agreement; you need each other’s prayers! Pray for him from the depth of your heart and support him, don’t close up your spirit on him because of some issues…support him. Never open your mouth to curse him; it would be like cursing yourself because you are one!

7. Be ready to help him

You are a helper. There are only two people referred to as ‘helper’ in the whole of Genesis to Revelation. That is the Holy Spirit and your wife!

That is why you have been told never to grieve the Holy Spirit and never to be bitter with your wife. That is why you don’t lift your hand against your helper! Ladies, be there to help him succeed. Support his endeavours.

Singles, you help your fiancée when you refuse to compromise. You are not helping him when he says ‘let’s kiss baby, and you too submit your lips for the next two hours like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall! Tell him, if you are hungry, you go buy Kpormor, Kanda or some cow-head in the market, you ain’t chewing my mouth! These lips are reserved till marriage! The power of life and death lies in your mouth, you use it to give direction to your life, not for kissing the one you are not married to! After, your marriage, you can do all of that, even for days, and God will still be excited about it!

Enjoy …

By Uche Ihugba,
Managing partner at URAI Resources.