Recently at a family seminar in a Lagos Church, a man walked to the stage and gave a speech on marriage, relationships and handling in-laws. His thoug
Recently at a family seminar in a Lagos Church, a man walked to the stage and gave a speech on marriage, relationships and handling in-laws. His thoughts were deep and sweeping. You immediately made up your mind to have a chat with him so that his thoughts would not be limited to the church alone. Kingsley Clemence is a chartered accountant and microfinance practitioner. In this interview with E-life, he takes a look at issues in relationships culminating in marriage and handling in-laws. Excerpts from the interview with BOLA ADEWARA.
… ladies must watch who are the friends of their potential husband and handling in-laws
… couples have a right to each other after the traditional wedding is done
… There is no church or white wedding in the Bible. It is a product of colonialism
… there is no reason for a lavish wedding. Why waste money that can be deployed in wealth creation?
During the days of our fathers in marriage, divorce is a rarity. How come divorce is a common thing these days?
During the days of our fathers, society values were sacred. Modern-day vices like infidelity, social media negative influence, greed, distrust and love for material things, were not pronounced. Marriages were built on very strong values in those days …
If a man will pick a woman as a wife, what are the five things you will tell him to search for?
* A bride at her white wedding…
The character of the would–be-wife. There must be a behavioural compatibility check of both parties. The family of the lady, especially what type of personality is the mother of the lady. A bad in-law can be destructive. What values does the lady believe in? Is she God-fearing? Is she selfless and accommodating? There must be a convergence of life pursuit. She must share in the dreams of the man, be prayerful, at least desirous to worship God always and must know something about handling in-laws.
If a woman will accept a man to be her husband, what are things she should watch out for?
Ability to communicate effectively. Spirit of tolerance and forgiveness. A man of good character enshrined in the fear of God. How the man treats other people. Does he have anyone he holds in high regard? Does he have a future plan or focus or life pursuit? A man who is a No Future Ambition (NFA) is not good husband material. A lazy man is a plague that must be avoided. Ladies must be painstaking in studying who are the friends of the potential husband. You can assess him from the calibre of friends he keeps.
If a son or daughter will marry, what are the things parents must have deposited in the son/daughter to qualify them for marriage?
Not all parents…but children also should retrain themselves. It is their lives and not those of the parents.
What should be the role of the church in marriage? Are our churches doing well?
The role of the church is to guide the youths in taking marriage decisions. Not scripturally alone but being a channel for contemporary knowledge dissemination.
When a wife and husband have issues in their marriage, how is this best resolved?
Both parties are adults. Whoever is on the wrong side should apologise and show remorse, and couples must learn to forgive immediately. The husband must always be willing to play the role of a forgiving father always.
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What qualifies a man to say I want to get married?
He must be physically, spiritually and financially mature. Marriage dissolves the ‘I’ mentality into ‘We’ responsibility space. At that point, you can’t work alone or take decisions alone.
* Traditional wedding
What is your comment on people spending lavishly on weddings? How can one do a wedding correctly?
We have a wasteful mentality in this part of the world. My opinion… and talking from the concept of being your neighbour’s keeper, is that I doubt if there is any reason to have a lavish wedding.
Moderation is always profitable, especially from the spiritual angle. Why waste money that can be deployed in creating wealth or assisting the less privileged?
When is a wedding perfectly done and couples allowed to have sex? Is it after the introduction and engagement level when parents accept bride price or at a church or court wedding level?
There is no church or white wedding in the Bible. It is a product of colonialism. Our traditional wedding, which we have reduced to engagement, is the main wedding ceremony. When parents and families of both parties sit, accept proposals and bless the two parties, marriage is done. Other things like going to court, going to court for whatever are just lavish appendages. Therefore, in my opinion, couples have a right to each other after the traditional wedding is done.
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