I had a friend at a drinking joint I used to sit so many years ago. One day we fell into a talk on family, women, wife, etc. In his contributions, he said “I cannot sit at home with my wife for five minutes, we will fight. We will just pick a quarrel. It’s either she is not pleased with something I did or I am not satisfied. We pick quarrel always so I don’t even care to sit at home with her. So if you see me at this joint always, that explains it.” And truly, go to the joint anytime, he was there, either sleeping or smoking or drinking.
He was so loud about this status with his wife. I have heard him say it so many times that his wife or marriage is of no value to him other than go home eat, sleep, bath and walk to the joint.
At a stage I didn’t go to the joint for about a month. Was busy outside Lagos. The day I saw him on my return, he was a shadow of himself. Emaciated. Sorrowful. Spent. Drawn. Taciturn. I hailed him and asked him to be served his usual beer. He rejected it. I was shocked. Him rejecting beer? I walked close to him.
“Wetin happen? I asked
“Bola, haven’t you heard?
“What?
“My wife is DEAD.” Vocal emphasis on “dead”.
“Jeeeesssus!” I shouted as I walked back to my seat.
He fell into his sorrowful, quiet mood again. And it was like I saw tears rolling down his cheek. As people came in, he was quick to announce to them sorrowfully: My wife is dead. I heard him announce it to more than 20 people, who commiserated with him.
That was when it occurred to me that why would he cry. Why announcing it? Didn’t this man say his marriage and wife mean nothing to him? Didn’t he say he could not sit for five minutes with her? He was never at home, an absentee father and husband. So now that the woman is dead, what is the noise about?
That is marriage for you. Some couples treat themselves as if they don’t matter. Issues that could be resolved by a mere roundtable, they walk away from it. And in most cases, even if you remarry to another woman or man, the same story repeats itself. Those who quit one marriage for the other, ask them how it feels. Let us work the marriage. Marriage is work. My Yoruba people would pray that “may couples not know eachother’s value when death has taken one away.”
More often than not marriage dictates if someone will succeed in life or not. Marriage is not a creation of man. That is why you need to think properly on your values and choices. On what your reactions to each other would be. Some homes have been destroyed just by ONE careless statement the man or woman made. In most cases, women are more sensitive. Men must know women for that.
My guy, sit at home with your wife. Watch African magic or Telemundo with her. They like it. When she is ill, sit with her. Call her from your office every now and then. Behave as if a vital part of you is also ill. Offer to cook for her. Pray for her. Let her see that her sickness affects you. Simple care! If wives do this for husbands, why can’t husbands do it for wives?
When you wake up, squeeze her hands. Squeeze her bum. Let her believe the love is still like before. Ask her how was her day yesterday. Talk about her children. Any food at home. Soup still dey. Even if you have no kobo to put down, discuss it. Show you care. Most times these women have money. The care you show will make them bring it out. They are no fools!
If my friend did these to his wife, that poor woman could still be alive today. Till now, my friend is still drinking, smoking and sitting at the joint. Disorganised. No home. Children distributed to families members and I am sure he is not catering for any of them. The wife who catered for the children and paid rent had gone.
Someone told me recently that he is even holding his wife’s death responsible for his misfortunes. He was quoted as saying “My wife warned me, na me no hear. If i had known, i would have listened to her when she was alive.” Painful words. Painful lamentation. Some people will never know the value of their spouses until they are forced apart. May your home be very blissful. May your marriage be a loving experience. But be ready to work it!
To show care for your wife is not a sign of weakness
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