THE SECRET LIFE OF A PASTOR: Some unique problems Pastors face

Here is the secret life of a pastor: Being a pastor is hard work.  It’s not for wimps.  The reality is, a pastor’s job can be 24/7 and carry unique challenges.

Some pastors wear themselves out trying to help people.  Some wound their family because they are so involved in ministry.  Others flourish in their ministry and personal life.

In many situations, the pastor is expected to be a Bible teacher, an accountant, a strategist, a computer tech, a counsellor, a public speaker, a worship director, a prayer warrior, a mentor, a leadership trainer and a fundraiser.   But it’s important to present some of the unique challenges of ministry.

Some of the unique problems that Pastors face are:

1. Criticism

A lot of people can criticize pastors for a multitude of things.
“Music is too loud.  Worship is not long enough.  It’s too long.”
“Sermon is not deep enough.  It’s too long.”
“Pastor thinks he’s too important.  It took me 3 weeks to get an appointment.”
“You talk too much about money.”
“…Can I talk to you for a minute, Pastor?”  This simple question can cause a pastor to think, “Oy vey.  Now what?”

I’ve learned not to take every criticism as personally as I did in the first few years of ministry.  I would hear ten great compliments and one negative comment, and I would think about the negative comment all day long.

It stole the significance of the positive things we were doing in ministry.   To be honest, even now, some criticisms can still hijack my attention and steal my ability to see the blessings around me.

Pastors need to find a way not to take criticism so personally and learn from some truth that could be hidden in that criticism.

2. Rejection

Members leave, leaders leave, and pastors’ friends leave. The reality is – people leave.  Real life is fluid.  We would like to think everyone who enters our life will stay in our lives, but they won’t.

The smaller the church, the more obvious it is when people leave. When our church had about 150 people, and some people left – it was so disappointing.  Some leave churches for reasonable decisions, but many leave ungracefully.

But you know what? They leave the big churches, too – by the thousands. People leave TD Jakes’ church, and they leave Andy Stanley’s church.

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I tried to console myself by thinking, “They may be leaving by the dozens here at Oasis but thousands have left Bill Hybels’ church and he’s a great pastor.” (That only helped for a minute.)

Pastors hear, “I’m leaving… We want something deeper… My needs aren’t getting met.” Even if they are true for the people leaving, these comments can feel like a personal rejection.

Every pastor on the planet has heard, “I’m not getting fed here.” Bill Hybels has heard it. Wayne Cordero, Ed Young, Craig Groeschel, Steven Furtick and Matthew Barnett have heard it.

Really?  Not getting fed? …In those churches? How is that possible?

As Pastors, it’s important to realize that many times when life transitions occur, leaving is a good thing. We need to remember that we want to see people advance and move forward in life.

Whether it’s relocating for their work, being closer to family, going to college or getting back to what God wanted them to do before they arrived on your doorstep.

One of the most difficult characteristics to achieve as a pastor is to have “tough skin and a soft heart.”  This is the best way to love people: Hold them lightly and don’t take their personal decisions personally.

The opposite condition, “Soft skin and a hard heart” will limit your ministry greatly. “…Uhhh, OK.  Lord, help me.”

3. Betrayal

Trusting church members with your burdens can backfire. They may end up telling your personal issues to others.

Staff leaders can take church members away. The pastor trusts a person with a platform or a title or a place of influence, and that person uses that influence to take people away.  The Judas kiss.

The toughest part about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

If staff pastors or leaders leave your church, are dishonest about their ‘story’ and take people with them, it can be devastating to endure.

It’s especially hard when people who were part of your congregation follow them and think the Holy Spirit is leading the pastor to start a new ministry.

Church staff causing problems is a betrayal.  Pastors rightfully think,  “I’m paying you to solve problems.  I can get new problems for free.  I don’t need to pay someone a salary to create them.”

• 40% of pastors report a conflict with a church member at least once a month.
• 85% of pastors said their greatest problem is they are tired of dealing with problem people, such as disgruntled elders, worship leaders, worship teams, board members, and associate pastors.
• The #1 reason pastors leave the ministry: Church people are unwilling to go in the same direction as the pastor. Pastors believe God wants them to go in one direction, but the people are unwilling to follow or change.
• 40% of pastors say they have considered leaving their pastorates in the last three months.

Here’s the thing, if people want to go, let them go.  God is big enough and gracious enough to help us on both sides of the betrayal.  We pastors have to find a way to love people with God’s grace as if we have never been hurt before.

5. Loneliness

“Who’s my friend?  Who can I trust? If I tell another pastor my problems, will he criticize me, tell others or just treat me differently?” 

The stats reveal that 70% of pastors do not have someone they consider a close friend.  This can leave a pastor asking, “Are my friends really my friends or a church member who is a temporary friend, who may leave any day now?”

Some pastors feel isolated from other pastors as peers because their church is smaller or the reach of their ministry is not as extensive as the pastor they are trying to build a friendship with.

A pastor may think, “Just because my church may be smaller than yours does not mean I don’t have a strong relationship with God or have wisdom that could help other leaders.”

This thought is especially dominant when your value is heavily invested in what you achieve in life rather than who you are.

Healthy friendships are crucial to a fulfilling life, especially to the well-being of a pastor.  We have to put special effort in this area.

Recognizing the trust level that a leader can offer to people is a skill that has to be cultivated.  Jesus had his inner circle of three, then the larger circle of twelve (which included Judas), the 70 disciples and the 500 followers after the resurrection.

Each group of people he trusted had a different level of private access to Him.  He also had different expectations of each group.

Getting confused about who is the person you are ministering to, and the one you are allowing into your circle of friends can create disappointment.

To me, a safe person is one who understands how to relate to you as a friend but does not allow that to interfere with how they see you as a pastor.

6. Weariness

• 50% of the ministers starting will not last five years.
• 70% felt God called them to pastoral ministry before their ministry began, but after three years of ministry, only 50% still felt called.

Keeping personally refreshed is an art and a science…and extremely important.

When fatigue comes in – faith can dissolve. Weariness changes our interpretation of everything. A lack of refreshing times can make the glass half full – not only look half empty but dirty, contaminated and undrinkable.

What refreshes you? What fills you up? What makes you feel connected to family and friends? To your best ability, ensure those things are in your schedule consistently.

7. Frustrations and Disappointments

Disappointments come in many ways.

Because of smaller congregations, the average compensation package for pastors is between $35,000 – $40,000.  There are many things that pastors, who are in this salary range, are not able to do for their families that other people around them can do.

There are many areas of ministry that judging ‘success’ is difficult. Pastors can be hard on themselves. We work in an area where good work and reasonable effort do not always guarantee success.

Many pastors work hard but are missing some kind of ‘x-factor’.  They are good people, sincere believers, love God, know the Word, and have great content in their sermons, but it’s not clicking somehow.  It’s frustrating.

It’s like a worship leader who loves Jesus and has a great singing voice but cannot lead people in an effective worship experience.

Some days leaders feel like they can’t seem to do anything right. The ministry finally gets momentum, and then a leader in the church falls.  Things are going well, and then some of your biggest givers leave.

The church needs money, but the pastor doesn’t want to focus too much on the money.  It’s not about the money, but it becomes about the money.

All of this can add to a sense of being overwhelmed.

• Four thousand new churches begin each year, and 7,000 churches close.
• Over 1,700 pastors left the ministry every month last year.
• Over 3,500 people a day left the church last year.

• 50% of pastors feel so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could but have no other way of making a living.
• 45.5 % of pastors say they’ve experienced depression or burnout to the extent that they needed to take a leave of absence from ministry.

This is not the case for all pastors.  In fact, many that I know have managed to handle these issues well, but the statistics are revealing. Aren’t they?
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Culled from http://www.philipwagner.com/blog/the-secret-life-of-a-pastor