AT 44, SHOULD I REMARRY OR REMAIN A SINGLE PARENT AS A CHRISTIAN?

I GOT DIVORCED 14 YEARS AGO BECAUSE MY EX WANTED TO CONVERT ME TO ISLAM, AGAINST OUR EARLIER AGREEMENT THAT I WOULD REMAIN A CHRISTIAN IN THE MARRIAGE. NOW, MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS WANT ME TO REMARRY, BUT I’M AFRAID AS IF IT WILL CRASH AGAIN. I AM NOW 44 YEARS OLD. CAN I GET MARRIED OR  REMAIN A SINGLE PARENT AS A CHRISTIAN?

SHE:  I got divorced 14 years ago with a boy and a girl. My parents want me to get married again, but I’m afraid as if it will crash again. I am now 44 years old. Can I still get married or I should remain like that? We couldn’t settle our marriage issue because he is a Muslim.

BOLA: Hmmm. People who will speak on this would like to know some back information surrounding your divorce. Can I ask you some questions and will you answer me truthfully?
SHE: Yea, I promise you, sir.

BOLA: Why did you marry him, a Muslim, in the first instance? How did you meet? How did he convince you? Did you inform your parents he was a Muslim? What did they say? Let’s start from there…
SHE: Hmmmm!!! I don’t know what came over me…. Even my parents were against him, but I insisted and got pregnant, so because they don’t want an abortion they agreed and take it as fate. He too promised that I would be doing my religion without any problem. And it was so initially until after I had two children for him and everything changed. I met him in one Cooperative house where he was working then. My parents were bitterly against my marrying him.

BOLA: You said after two children, things changed. What happened?
SHE: He became a chronic Muslim! And he started saying I am the one hindering his life to be successful.

BOLA: What is your age difference? What is the level of his education? What was your level of learning when you married him?
SHE: He was 6yrs older than me. I don’t think he had school cert. But I was an OND holder then.

BOLA: What was the attraction for you to marry him?
SHE: I don’t know, though he was neat. That’s all

BOLA: Money? Was he giving you good money and good sex?
SHE:  Sex came after long persuasions. But good money. And I have money then… I earn good where I work. Aside from salary, I get daily money too.

BOLA: Remember you promised to tell me the whole truth….
SHE: Yes, sex didn’t come until a very long time. Even when we did our wedding, my mum and I are the brain box to cover him.

BOLA: Now, were you married nisu loka? Was there an Islamic wedding called Nikkai? How did he become a Chronic Muslim?
SHE: Yes… We first did the introduction. Then Court engagement and other party follow. I don’t know how he became a chronic Muslim. On our wedding, there was no Nikkai.

BOLA: Before wedding, was there a clear understanding between the two of you that you will not become a Muslim? Did he agree to that?
 SHE: Yes, he agreed. But without the consent of his father. He said I should agree to it in the presence of his father.

BOLA: And you did?
SHE: Yes. He said he wouldn’t know what I’m doing since he lives in Lagos and we are in Ibadan.

BOLA: Now, is his father instrumental to his conversion to chronic Muslim as you said? Did the father call you that you must become a Muslim?
SHE: I want to believe that because on different occasions he visited us and threatened that he would disown him if he didn’t stop me from going to Church.
He threatened him severally, and I would tell the Baba that he shouldn’t worry about that. I told him we serve the same God just that the way we pray to him is different. I later heard from my husband’s mother that she and his father got separate because of this religion issue… She said she didn’t even breastfeed my husband for a yr before they take him from her, because her parents too don’t want her to marry a Muslim.

BOLA: Hmmm… Did you make your findings of this family before going ahead into the marriage? Were you a Christian before the wedding? Did you go to Church? Did you have a personal relationship with your pastor for guidance? Four questions for you, my dear.
SHE: We didn’t do any finding. My parent only got to know his father on introduction day. Yes, I’m a Christian… We are Anglicans.

BOLA: How old were you when you got married to him? And where was your dad in all of this?
SHE: I was 24+

BOLA: You were not a baby! Now, are you ready to be a Muslim or not?
SHE: You say what? Laago melo? It’s too late. I can never be a Muslim. What I didn’t do when I was young and still with him? Never!

BOLA: Good. Is he asking you to come back? Has he come to beg you?
SHE: I said he’s married with children

BOLA: Does take care of his children from you? Are the children with him or you? What religion are they doing?
SHE: Haaa!!! Don’t even go there? He has not been doing anything about the children. They are with me. I’ve been taking them to Church since we were together. They are both Christians. They even changed their names to Christian names. Mariam to Mary. Mubarak to Emmanuel. Emmanuel had his name from birth, I do give birth at a Mission house of an Anglican Church, and he was born on their Emmanuel day, so the Rev gave him that name. I am angry with myself over my mistake. It hurts. Hurts! I was a novice.

BOLA: Was he your first love?
SHE: No. He was the second person.

BOLA: Honestly, when I hear stories like this, it pains me. I hate women falling into errors like this…
SHE: Mine was a pathetic story. No one with my kind of issue in my family. Now on marriage. I’m in a dilemma I’m 44yrs this month of May, 2020. My mum and siblings have been begging me day and night. My dad was long gone before it happened.

BOLA: Do you want to have more children? If you are married now, and the man said he wants children, can you make new babies at your age or just want a husband for companionship sake?
SHE: Do you think it’s wise to have children at my age? My last born will be 18 by August.

BOLA: The decision is yours. If the man you find says he wants, can you? Bakan meji ni.
SHE: Medically, it’s not good for me. You know. So marriage for companionship. Is that right? I don’t have any problem health-wise.

BOLA: What do you professionally? No man wants to marry a bukata
SHE: I’m a civil servant. Though a middle cadre.

BOLA: The man would like to know if you are married to him, are the children coming to live with the two of you?
SHE: My children are grown up. One is in higher institution, and the other will get admission this year by God’s grace.

BOLA: Ok Now… The road is clear. I ask the Lord whom we serve to please intervene in your matter. Let the right man locate you. Every pain in your life is cancelled. Your mistakes are forgiven. You will be happy again. In Jesus name, I pray.
SHE: Amen Amen Amen in Jesus name.